breathe deeply

i am home.
dealing with a loss... or at least a near loss is probably the most difficult thing to deal with.
as grave as the situation may be, i feel surrounded by so much love.
i want to love people more. appreciate my time with everyone that i love.
i take way too much for granted.
in the midst of all this i find it a bit difficult to breathe.
my lungs feel constricted. my stomach tight.
i just want to do what's right and be there. love.
i like loving people.
i wish it could be easy to love everyone... it certainly isn't.
sometimes it feels easy, sometimes it doesn't.

"the world spins madly on." weepies.

as of late

I haven't written on this in quite some time. There has been so much chaos due to the fact that I just moved in to my house in Knoxville. I love it here. I have such a gut feeling that this year is going to be a good one. I certainly hope so.

I have worried myself lately. There are times when I randomly change moods for no reason. The other day I was angry at myself for no reason. It was actually a problem. The other night I was with friends that I love dearly and for some odd reason I wished they would all disappear. I think there are times when I feel empty or something, so I use anger to fill the void. Odd I know, but I think it makes sense. I realized that I've completely forgotten about God in the chaos that can often be my life. I need to keep focused on what's important and not lose sight of it.

On a lighter note, Bon Iver was certainly wonderful. I wish I had been closer to the stage, sure, but still it was quite an experience. He was better live than I had expected. I was completely blown away. I still got chills although I was covered in sweat. Yeah, I'm gross...