it's here. it's now.

college is literally drawing to an end.
i can say that at this point i am feeling every emotion possible.
as i type this my heart is actually fluttering.
i feel so anxious, yet ecstatic, yet sad, yet angry, confused, passive, but nervous.
it's such an odd feeling that lately i haven't known what to do with it or how to react.
i want to feel at peace and relaxed, but i've never felt more stressed.
i want to be four years old again.
make a fort out of blankets and pillows and hide.
i want to hide deep where no one can find me.
age, the world... no one would find me.
i would just be hidden deep in my cave of comfort.
i hate feeling this way, especially since i've developed such awful habits when things are drawing to an end.
lately i've found myself getting in my car and driving until i cry at least once.
i have so many questions and i'm becoming too impatient to wait for answers.
why NOW do i realize that i have no clue what i want to do with my life?
why NOW do i realize that i have no common connections with my roommates and living here feels weird?
why NOW am i questioning love and happiness and God and existence?
it just seems so strange.
why am i writing this for the world to see, yet i find that i can't communicate it to an actual person?
this is such an odd time!
i'm not trying to sound pathetic or searching for pity... i think if you know me, you know that i'm a reasonably lighthearted happy person.
i think i'm just realizing that this age, this age that i thought would never come, is finally here...
and i need to embrace it.

aaaaand finals start now...
ready
set

go.