I sit quietly. Lifeless. Why am I always so tired? It's almost as if I have done or accomplished some strenuous task to make me this tired, but the truth is that I have not done or accomplished a single thing. This past week I went to Venice. Not Italy. Florida. Today I don't feel like using complete sentences. That's how I usually write anyway.
In Venice one day as I was laying on the hot sand I started thinking. There are so many questions that we could come up with about the world and life in it. It's almost frightening what little we know about the world we live in. Now, given that I'm not a scientist, I'm sure that many of my questions could be answered with some complex scientific explanation, but still... there's so much to be discovered. I would stand at the water's edge and let the tide sweep over my feet until my feet were completely submerged in the sand. The ocean is so vast. Seriously? Wow. You can stare as long as you want, but you can never reach the end of it.
As I stared at the ocean, I had yet another one of my childhood fantasies pop into my head. When I was little I used to always fantasize while I was at the beach about how badly I wanted to live in the sea. I would live on the ocean floor in my seashell house and not a single sea creature would harm me. I would have a pet stingray that would be my means of transportation and that would be it. Living would be simple. It's amazing what children can imagine. I mean, some situation such as this seems so improbable now, but when I was little it was completely believable. I kind of wish that that feeling would never go away. We grow older and have to act grown up and responsible all the time. Not that I do very often, but then again I look at my life and think, well, actually I do. It kind of saddens me.
Growing older is so frightening. I often hate it. On the ride home I became very afraid of getting older. I realized, wow, you're now "in your twenties." I never thought that phrase would apply to me. Now it does! I think of how different I'll be in just five years. How relationships will change. I'll be out of college. My friends will be getting married. I might be getting married. I'll have to find a profession. I'll have to figure out my life. Be an adult. Live completely on my own. All of these things scare me shitless. It may be pathetic, but it's the truth. I just have to take a deep breath and once again go back to understanding that I'm not in control of it all. Our lives are constantly changing and progressing. I guess I'll just have to accept that and move on. That's really all I can do anyway.
Sidenote: It's really funny to talk like Sid the Sloth at inappropriate times. Oh, did I mention that I was mature? Guess not.
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